Friday, March 29, 2013

Last Man Standing

Dear Diary:

As I am about to enter my fourth month of unemployment, the job prospects seem to be getting dimmer and dimmer.  Less people are reaching out to offer assistance as before, and those that do offer to help do not follow through.  It seems that offers to help people secure employment are merely nothing more than polite conversation while having a drink these days.

Fortunately though, I can now say that everyone on my team has found a job.  I was always worried about the rest of my team more than myself, but now that it is only myself left without employment amongst us, well, my ass is puckering.  That sense of pseudo-solidarity with them is now gone, and I am left to my own devices.

I guess when they did not have jobs, and were asking for assistance or guidance, it made me feel useful. Even if I could not offer anything, the fact that they asked made me feel good.  And now that I will no longer be asked by any of them for anything, it kind of puts a final nail in the coffin to that particular part of my professional career.

And that is fine, but it also beings about a sense of loneliness.  It really does take a while to get used to the sound of nothing.  It takes a while to get adjusted to the fact that when you apply for a job, more times than not you will not be acknowledged.  I guess the feeling I am trying to convey is being no longer needed, if that makes sense.  It's not similar to divorce, but it somewhat is, that feeling of isolation, loss, and being no longer needed by anyone.

Like I said, I am about to enter my fourth month, and I am still not used to it.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Snowday!!! Fuck you all

Dear Diary:

I like snow. Hell, I love snow. I find shoveling snow to be extremely relaxing.  Well, it is relaxing until you pull out your back doing it, but it is still relaxing.  It is cozy. It is comforting. It is pure.

Until someone pisses on it.

So of course, I was excited that we might have gotten a pounding from the weather gods of the flakey white shit.  But, we got rain.  Go figure.

But that is not what this is about.

Of course, Wednesday, the day of the supposed storm that wasn't, most everyone celebrated the fact that they were given a free day off from work.

Fuck you.  In the ass, with a bat, covered in peanut butter.

"But why are you so angry TDG, why oh why are you so mean?"

As everyone took to various social media outlets celebrating the fact they did not have to work, I celebrated nothing.  This is the life of the unemployed.

While you celebrated the fact that you did not have to go into your office, I pondered the question of how I would manage to pay my property tax bill.

While you celebrated the fact that you could stay home, I pondered the question of how I would pay for a health emergency while no longer having health insurance.

While you celebrated the fact that you could do whatever you want with your free day off, I wondered how I would stretch my dollars to ensure that I could pay my mortgage, car payment, car insurance, credit card, utility bills, and groceries.

While you celebrated the fact that you did not have to work, I wondered what it would take for me to actually land an interview.

While you felt excitement, I felt hopelessness.

While you hoped to build a snowman, I hoped that someone would want to hire me.

While you enjoyed the silence of the rain and wind, I hated it because silence is now the norm.