Friday, June 28, 2013


Dear Diary:

I have nothing new to report. No good news as of late. In fact, the only news I seem to get is rejection these days, and I do not know how much more of it I can handle.

So when I get some good news, I will let you know. Until then, just know that I am alive and won't do anything stupid.

Monday, May 20, 2013


Dear Diary:

Why is it that it seems all the good new ideas are gone?

Why is it that you need a ton of money to even get a bank to give you a loan in order to start a small business?

Why do things that make you happy seem fleeting at times?

Why am I not getting any interviews?

Why is the weather so fucked up?

Why is cable so fucking expensive?

Why if smartphones are so smart, they can't fold laundry?

Why am I in such a funk?

Why are so many beers these days so fucking hoppy?

Why isn't it ok to be moody at times?

Why can't I get paid to do something I love?

What do I even love to do?

Why am I running out of things to say?

Friday, March 29, 2013

Last Man Standing

Dear Diary:

As I am about to enter my fourth month of unemployment, the job prospects seem to be getting dimmer and dimmer.  Less people are reaching out to offer assistance as before, and those that do offer to help do not follow through.  It seems that offers to help people secure employment are merely nothing more than polite conversation while having a drink these days.

Fortunately though, I can now say that everyone on my team has found a job.  I was always worried about the rest of my team more than myself, but now that it is only myself left without employment amongst us, well, my ass is puckering.  That sense of pseudo-solidarity with them is now gone, and I am left to my own devices.

I guess when they did not have jobs, and were asking for assistance or guidance, it made me feel useful. Even if I could not offer anything, the fact that they asked made me feel good.  And now that I will no longer be asked by any of them for anything, it kind of puts a final nail in the coffin to that particular part of my professional career.

And that is fine, but it also beings about a sense of loneliness.  It really does take a while to get used to the sound of nothing.  It takes a while to get adjusted to the fact that when you apply for a job, more times than not you will not be acknowledged.  I guess the feeling I am trying to convey is being no longer needed, if that makes sense.  It's not similar to divorce, but it somewhat is, that feeling of isolation, loss, and being no longer needed by anyone.

Like I said, I am about to enter my fourth month, and I am still not used to it.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Snowday!!! Fuck you all

Dear Diary:

I like snow. Hell, I love snow. I find shoveling snow to be extremely relaxing.  Well, it is relaxing until you pull out your back doing it, but it is still relaxing.  It is cozy. It is comforting. It is pure.

Until someone pisses on it.

So of course, I was excited that we might have gotten a pounding from the weather gods of the flakey white shit.  But, we got rain.  Go figure.

But that is not what this is about.

Of course, Wednesday, the day of the supposed storm that wasn't, most everyone celebrated the fact that they were given a free day off from work.

Fuck you.  In the ass, with a bat, covered in peanut butter.

"But why are you so angry TDG, why oh why are you so mean?"

As everyone took to various social media outlets celebrating the fact they did not have to work, I celebrated nothing.  This is the life of the unemployed.

While you celebrated the fact that you did not have to go into your office, I pondered the question of how I would manage to pay my property tax bill.

While you celebrated the fact that you could stay home, I pondered the question of how I would pay for a health emergency while no longer having health insurance.

While you celebrated the fact that you could do whatever you want with your free day off, I wondered how I would stretch my dollars to ensure that I could pay my mortgage, car payment, car insurance, credit card, utility bills, and groceries.

While you celebrated the fact that you did not have to work, I wondered what it would take for me to actually land an interview.

While you felt excitement, I felt hopelessness.

While you hoped to build a snowman, I hoped that someone would want to hire me.

While you enjoyed the silence of the rain and wind, I hated it because silence is now the norm.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Life Lessons From My Great Uncle Cletus

Dear Diary:

As we age, our life experiences increase. It's a natural part of getting older.  Now, I say getting older, and not necessarily becoming more mature, as maturity it seems is more a state of mind and sense of self and has zero to do with one's actual age.  I know 40 year-olds that act like children, and children that unfortunately act older than they are.  So I argue maturity and age are two different things.

But, if you live to be 97 like my great uncle Cletus, you surely have a plethora of life experiences.  You have witnessed things that some others simply cannot fathom, you know, like the Cubs winning the World Series. That is how old Cletus is.  Cletus has seen a lot of shit.  Oh wait, except the Cubs winning the World Series, because even he isn't that old and the Cubs fucking suck.

Now Cletus is one ornery sumbitch.  He may just be the least politically correct person I know, and that is saying a lot, because I do not necessarily hold back.  Actually, come to think of it, most of my family is not politically correct.  That's explains a lot.

Anyway, so, here are just some things that Cletus has said, or continues to say, that make us scratch our head or hold back from choking on whatever we are drinking:

- Never piss into the wind in an oncoming storm. You only end up smelling like piss and feeling like an idiot.

-If you stick your dick in a sewer, don't be shocked like a dumbass that it get's a little shit on it.

-Smoking is for pussies.  Chewing tobacco will put hair on a man's balls.

-If the Queen had balls she's be the King, but she don't, so she ain't.

-Fuck those La-Ti-Nos.  Seriously, fuck them. Best pussy on Earth!

-Just because you went to college doesn't mean you know shit.

-If you screw a crazy woman, be prepared to marry her. Or be prepared to move, to like an island so she can't find you.

-Marriage is the greatest institution on Earth, until it ain't.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Funemployment? I Call Bullshit

Dear Diary,

So, I am rounding out a full month of being unemployed.  You would think since I am not working a nine to five job that I would have more time to write to you.  Yeah, you would think that you greedy bitch.

But alas, I have not written to you in well over a month. It's not that I haven't had the time, for I surely have.  It's just that I have nothing to tell you.  Absolutely nothing.  Nada.  Or maybe it's just that I have nothing interesting to say.

I mean, I am sure you do not want to know that I have somehow managed to keep my sleep patterns consistent with someone who is employed.  I am sure you do not want to hear about my pathetic routines that make me feel somewhat normal and useful.  And I am sure as shit that you do not want to hear me lament about a lack of a paycheck.

So, rather, I will tell you about what I think is the absolute worst part of being unemployed.

It's not the rejection of being turned down for jobs or interviews. It's not the watching of your bank account to make sure you can pay all your bills. It's not the signing up for unemployment benefits that everyone these days seems to equate with one being a lazy mooch.  No, it's none of that.

It's the fucking boredom in my opinion.

I mean, at some point, you just kinda run out of shit to do, know what I mean?  There are only so many times you can clean a bathroom or kitchen.  There are only so many projects you can do around the house.  There are only so many movies you can watch.  There are only so many times one can read ESPN.  At some point, you just do not know what to do with yourself.

Sure, I spend a decent part of my day applying for jobs and/or networking to the best of my ability.  but once that is over, I just sort of sit there like a fucking idiot staring out into a vast nothingness.

And it's not like I haven't done anything.  This month has been extremely productive. Hell, even my taxes are finished.  But after a month, I am running out of things to do.  Or rather, I am running out of things to do that do not cost a lot of money.Because Lord knows that the one thing I am dying to do is drop $400 bucks a week keeping myself occupied or doing something fun.

I need a hobby.  Preferably a free one.