Friday, May 25, 2012

Now This Is Just Some Confusing Shit

Dear Diary:

Hola! Long time no see. Yes, yes, I am still alive. No, no, I did not die in a car wreck or catch or develop a disease. No, no, my house did not burn down, nor was I carjacked at gunpoint by midget clowns (those evil bastards). What I have been doing is a whole lot of a whole lot, most of it including wine (I have too much, and yes, I never thought I was say that, and yes, there IS such a thing as too much, as in you find yourself with no where to put it and you cannot drink anymore). One thing I have been doing is contemplating whether or not I want to keep this little project up, and since I haven't come to a decision yet (and let's be honest, no one reads you anymore), I figure I would just get some shit out of my system.

Ok here goes. The following shit makes no sense to me:

 -People who wear sweaters in the summer. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's hot and humid. Same goes for corduroy pants or blazers. Idiots, the whole lot of them.

 -People who drive the speed limit in the passing lane. Now I have a long and storied history detailing the how much I hate these fucking people, and I still cannot understand how they are allowed to drive. Take a bus, you ass.

-People who are against abortion even in instances of rape, incest, or when the life of the mother is endangered. Seriously? How can one believe in a just God and then feel it to be "just" that a 16 year-old who gets raped by a family member and gets pregnant should be required to carry the baby to term? If there is a just God, then I do not think he would find that to be very just. Furthermore, if I had to choose between a spouse whose life is in danger if she had to deliver a baby, and the baby, I choose my spouse. And I do not think ANYONE should be able to make that choice for me, especially in law. (And no, I am not currently married)

-Vegetarians.  Yup, I cannot understand this bunch, and I have friends whom I love dearly who do not eat meat.  I have tried and tried and tried, and for the life of me, cannot understand someone who won't eat a burger.  Or a steak.  Or short ribs.  Or seafood.  Ever had lobster?  No?  You don't want to hurt its feelings?  Fuck you then, more for me.  And bacon?

-People who do not like bacon.  WHAT...THE...FUCK???  How do these people exist?  In the name of all that is good and holy, how can you NOT LIKE BACON?  It's salty fatty goodness makes the world go round.   Something is seriously wrong with you, and I think you need to see a doctor.

-People who are against gay marriage. Now let's be honest. If two guys or two girls want to get married, that has ZERO effect on a marriage between a man and a woman. And secondly, if you REALLY hate gays and lesbians, then you would WANT them to be married, in fact, you would mandate it, so that they can be as miserable as everyone else who ever said I do. (No marriage is perfect, trust me. Find me a woman that has never had one day during her marriage when she wanted to murder her husband, and I will show you a character in a movie). Gay marriage does not threaten the sanctity of marriage whatsoever.  If you want to protect the sanctity of marriage, ban divorce.  Well, ban it now.  Don't retroactively ban it, cause then my life would SUCK!

-Why the Red Sox suck this year.  I can't even watch them anymore, but thankfully, the DMV is now home to some of the best baseball in the city.

-People who think that there should not be laws banning discrimination, as in "Whites Only".  I almost shit a brick when I read this as a status on Facebook.  In fact, I am surprised that I do not have a permanent scar on my forehead from banging my head against a wall.  Seriously?  It had to be the single dumbest thing that I have ever seen or heard. Well, except for...

-Justin Beiber. 'Nuff said.


  1. Justin Bieber, nuf said. YES!! And um, Sox? Don't get me started either. WTF. Any visits up North planned this summer for some lobster?! Glad you are enjoying the life, wine, ahd love ;-)

  2. yep, that pretty much sums it up.

  3. Totally agree on the driving in the fast lane. I'll admit it I have a lead foot! What I hate is when they get all pissed off because you pass them and then chase you down so they can get in front of you again. I had one guy drive in the shoulder to get back in front of me!

  4. Haha - I heard a comedian talk about wearing a sweater in the middle of summer to hold the stink in because he didn't shower. But I totally get you on the people driving slow in the passing lane. For forever. Makes me crazy!