Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Trapped By My Own Creation

Dear Diary:

This Diary, blog, great big pile of mindless shit, or whatever you want to call it, for the first time, seems confining. Maybe it is the title that itself traps me into some sort of self-imposed identity.

Lately, I just haven't felt the urge, the need, or the desire to say much here. Why would I? My life is going pretty well at the moment, well at least my personal life. I am seeing a great girl, and things are going really well. Whether we go out or stay in, I am just happy to spend time with her.

Health wise, I am eating better, and slowly working my way back to the gym. I would be a full blown gym addict at the moment but a bad case of asthma and a head cold have kept me from working out like a mad man. If you think that sounds like an excuse, try working out when you can barely breathe. It's not exactly something I would recommend.

But anyway, back to this whole trapped thing. I guess when I started this project, I needed an outlet to vent frustrations, or just bullshit, and for a time, it was the only outlet that I had. But not so much anymore. So I find myself at a crossroads.

You see, I don't really identify myself solely as a divorced guy anymore. Not that I ever really did in a larger context, but more so in this particular space. So, what do I write about? I am tired of talking about divorce, dating, relationships, etc. You would be too after so many years of doing it. And as far as talking here about the girl I am with, well, that just won't really happen. Sorry to burst ya'lls bubble on that one. (and that is how you spell ya'lls, spell check can suck it)

So, for the time being, I probably will not be writing as much, but I will still check in from time to time. I mean, I live in DC, there is a lot of shit to do, places to see, places to drink, and places to eat, so if something in particular strikes me as worth doing again, maybe I will write about it. But I really don't know where to go from here at the moment. I mean, I could shut this down, but it's my story, all of it, the good and the bad. So that won't happen.

One of the things about having a blog is that sometimes you feel as though you need to keep updating it. It becomes sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy, if that makes any sense. But to me, it was never that, or at least it never felt like that.

But now, it's just different, and I don't know what I ultimately want to do with it.