Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Guest Post: Dating After Divorce

Dear Diary:

This Guest Post (My first one!!!) comes to you from David Stevenson. Off and on, should others wish to submit a GP, please drop me a note directly. I trust you are all smart enough to know how to navigate a web page and find my contact info on here. K thanks bye.

Dating after divorce, is it possible?

For many people who have gone through a divorce it can be an extremely stressful time. It can also leave you asking many questions as to why it happened or whether you could have done anything differently.

The whole experience even if it is amicable will leave some sort of mark on you, and one of the hardest periods can often be the divorce settlement issue which can be taxing on partners, families and even friends.

However, once the process is over you have a new life to contend with and have to realise things will be different. Rather than making decisions that will affect other people you will have to start making choices that directly affect you.

And for many new divorcees this can be quite difficult as they have spent most of their adult life in a co-dependent relationship. Furthermore, for lots of divorcees the idea of going on a date can be quite alien and a very nerve racking thought.

Ideally, if you have come out of a long-term relationship or marriage it is best to let the dust settle so you can make decisions about what you want to do with your life. It can also be a good time to find new hobbies to help build you confidence, focus the mind and allows you to meet new people.

For example, taking an art class can be a good way to let your creative side out while coming across others who are interested in similar things to you.

One thing for sure is that at some point in the future friends and family members will be encouraging you to “get off the shelf”, which is very difficult to do at times.

In some cases they will even set-up blind dates for you. And if they do arrange this and you are feeling confident enough why not go? Most of the time if you do go on one of these little rendezvous you end up having a better time than you thought you would.

I’m not saying that dating after divorce is easy because for everyone it is different. However, there is no reason to believe that just because you are no longer married that it should stop you enjoying your life and in some cases finding love.

The whole process is about having fun and coming to terms with your new lifestyle. One part of the dating game that can be extremely enjoyable is going to a speed dating session with a group of friends.

This allows you to be more relaxed, meet new people and let your hair down. It is important to remember that I’m not saying dating is a way to replace the love you once had or still have for someone – but by taking the leap it can help you make a positive move forward in your life.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Aging

Dear Diary:

As a child, we look up to our parents (well, for the most part, unless our parents are abusive assholes). We depend upon them to teach us, nurture us, take care of us, and to prepare us to be independent individuals.

Then we grow up. We get older. And so do our parents.

For many people, there comes a time when the child becomes the caretaker. The child becomes the one that helps the parent, financially, and otherwise.

I think for many people, we always know that this time can come, and will come. But we do not know when it will come. And we are never really prepared for when it arrives.

The last couple of months in my life have witnessed this turning point with one of may parents. I have been the one that has been prepared to take care of things. And I have been prepared to help out financially. And I have. And I will freely admit that my brother has as well. I do not want to sound like a martyr, shouldering a responsibility alone.

I was not prepared for this in my 33rd year, in fact, I was thinking this probably wouldn't happen until I was in my mid-forties. But, this moment has arrived, and there is nothing I can do to change that.

But, then I put myself in my parent's shoes. It must be incredibly difficult to ask a child for assistance. It must in some sense wound their pride, and that is not lost on me. It must be frustrating as hell to live a full and independent life and then without warning come to a point where one must ask for such help.

And it isn't that I am saddened by the fact that this moment has arrived. What is saddening is what happens once this moment arrives, and that is the realization that both of my parents have passed the half-way points in their lives. And while it is still probably years away, the end will indeed come sooner rather than later.

Friday, December 16, 2011

You're So Vain, I Bet You Think This Post Is About You...

Dear Diary:

The Washington Post recently wrote a little piece on a highly scientific and reputable survey that listed the nation's capital as one of America's vainest cities. You may find that article here.

Ok, so it isn't that scientific. A poll by LivingSocial probably isn't the best thing to base one's thesis on, know what I mean. Not to mention, of the entire sample size of 4,000 respondents, only 200 were from the DMV. Do you really think the opinions of 200 people in the DMV carry that much weight? Ok, well, in some instanced they do, but I am not in the mood to give a civics lesson at the moment. Anyway, here is how DC ranked according to this landmark in scientific data in some other categories:

Women here are beautiful — 1st (yup, women here are smokin' hot, I won't deny that)

Men here are metrosexual — 1st (whatever that means, I still don't know)

Men here are bald — 1st (some of us like the shaved look, its more comfortable, so suck it)

People here are superficial — 1st (maybe because we live and work in the center of world power? maybe? just maybe? someone give me a reason)

People here have bad personal hygiene — 2nd (there are a lot of tourists, just sayin')

People here are overweight — 3rd (fuck you, suck my balls)

People here dress badly — 4th
(I have seen enough fashion horror stories to laugh at this and nod)

People here are athletic — 5th
(hey, we walk a lot, but how can we be fat and athletic?)

Now, I will freely admit that I have several issues with living in the District. But how superficial and vain the people are really isn't one of them. Maybe because I actually hang out and know more people that are pretty down to earth, who are just trying to get by, and live the life they want to. Sure, I have seen what I consider to be a randomly high concentration of Louis Vuitton, but does that mean by and large the city is filled with superficial people? And what is the demographic breakdown of the respondents to this survey, that's what I want to know.

Anyway, just thought it was interesting. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves or share an opinion.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Forgive Me Diary

Dear Diary:

Forgive me Diary, for I have sinned. It has been 20 days since my last entry. In those twenty days I have dated, I have worked, I have bought Christmas gifts, I have, well done a lot of shit.

And that is why I haven't written. I have just been busy. Too busy really. Like so busy I do not know when or where I will have my next meal at, or when or where I will take a shit. Sleep? What's that? I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a couple of weeks. Well, strike that, I have had two. It was nice waking up those mornings as well.

I have drank a decent amount. I have gotten soaked in the rain. I have bought new bedding (any guy that says he doesn't like new sheets is a fucking liar) that actually looks nice. Not gaudy nice. Not "out of a catalog" nice. But nice.

So, I guess this is where I am supposed to tell you how dating life is treating me. Let's say that it is treating me well. I am not writing much more that that because A) this is not a dating blog, and B) the intimate details (and that is different from details of intimacy) are none of your fucking business (same goes for talking about the intimacy, if there is any). At least that is where my mind is right now.

I think one of the things I let get to me before was writing about the women I went out with, like I was trying to analyze them and find a fault through some process that my mind created to justify something that I was hoping for or fighting against. Not this time. The only detail I will give is that dating is treating me well. Oh, another one is that I am glad I got my eyes from my mom. These puppies are doing wonders, knowwhatimsayin'?

One completely random thought on dating is that I am actually saving more money each month by dating than I was when I wasn't dating. I haven't figured the math out on that one, but fuck, I am not exactly complaining either. AND I PAY, RELIGIOUSLY!

Now, I am going to watch Dexter. As always, feel free to leave a message or show me your cans, cause you know, boobs are great!