Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Tale Of Two Women

Dear Diary:

One girl is talkative, yet at the same time doesn't say much. She is kind, caring, and somewhat overbearing. She is sensual, and is not afraid to tell you. She worries a lot, about things she cannot control. She is clingy. She is not afraid to communicate. We have gone out a few times.

One girl is talkative, and substantive, yet stand-offish. She is younger, opinionated, vibrant, yet shy. She is somewhat aloof. She has an infectious laugh, and a beautiful smile. The difference in age doesn't seem like a hurdle. We have gone out twice.

One won't seem to leave me the fuck alone, and I it's like I should feel guilty for taking time out to take a shit. The other won't return a call.

Guess which one is which, and guess which one I would like to see more of?

But don't get me wrong, it's still fun.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dating, 2.0

Dear Diary:

Forgive me Diary for I have sinned. It has been over two weeks since my last entry.

In those two weeks, I have managed to work my tail off, deal with some family shit, and have gone out with a couple of different women. But before I start writing about any one person on here, let me just give you my thoughts, albeit somewhat borrowed, on the whole online dating realm.

Ladies, you are at a disadvantage. Fellas, you are at a disadvantage as well.

Probably the single biggest flaw in online dating is the number of matches, connects, whatever you want to call it. For people, and yes I include myself in this (not to brag by the way, it just so happens to work out this way) who receive a fairly decent amount of matches per day, focusing is difficult.

What do I mean by that?

Say you go out with one person, and the date was pretty good. He/She was attractive to you, and you both had fun, and it was comfortable and in no way weird. Say you want to see him/her again, and the feeling is mutual.

Then say you get home and check your email and someone just as attractive, or even more attractive, is matched with you. What do you do? You do what most people do. You try to start a conversation (don't lie to yourself and say you don't).

And you lose focus on the person you just went out with.

Now, that is not to say that keeping focus and zeroing in like a laser is a good thing always, because sometimes it can come across like you are a fucking whack job stalker, but if you are reading this and nodding your head, then you kinda sorta know what I am talking about.

But, you are getting hit with requests to converse left and right, and you don't want to have to choose. You want to keep your options open. But say maybe the person who you went out with doesn't have as many requests to converse as you? Maybe they are a little more focused than you are.

Maybe they are not wondering that while they had a great date that maybe tomorrow, tomorrow they will be connected to someone who may be "The One." Maybe for them, you are "The One." Or maybe not, but they are more interested in finding out if you are, as opposed to finding out if "The One" is around the corner waiting to be found.

And this is why I think that online dating, while beneficial, particularly in a large city where ironically enough it is hard to meet people, can be a royal pain in the ass.

Some days you get a lot of matches, and some days you don't. On the days you do you get a bit excited about the sheer number of possibilities while at the same time losing focus on the possibility of something with the person you have already met.

So what is the answer? Is it to stop being so greedy (if that is the appropriate word) and actually take the time to get to know someone? But what if the person whom you really should be with is right around the bend? I guess the answer is different for everyone, and also depends on where someone is at in their life and what they ultimately want.

Personally, I want to slow it down a bit. Because no matter how good someone looks online, there is nothing like making her smile.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Well No Shit, Tell Me Something I Don't Know

Dear Diary:

Apparently, according to a "new" "study", the DMV is home to the nation's worst drivers.

Why thank you Captain Obvious. Care to tell me something I don't already know?

I have been saying for, well, about a decade now that the DMV has the worst fucking drivers on the planet. And now we apparently require a study to tell us something that I have been saying for 10 years.

Why not just pay me to put to paper what everyone in the area already knows? I will take the check. Trust me. I do not mind taking your money whatsoever.

I am not sure if I have said this before or not, but I think the reason we have the worst drivers is that for the most part, everyone here is from somewhere else. So basically you have driving habits from all over the country, hell, the world really, converging in one relatively small area. That, and people here are pretty much assholes when they are behind the wheel.

Want to merge safely into traffic? Need to move over a lane? Are people going to let you in? Fuck no they aren't, because they think that they are so important that they need to be in front of you. Even though every car is driving at about 10 mph, Joe Fuckstick needs to be the one in front of you going 10mph.

Fuck that douchebag. With a baseball bat. Wrapped in barbed wire, doused in rubbing alcohol, and set on fire. Fuck him right in his uber-tight asshole. Fucking dick.

And don't even get me started on divers who go the speed limit in the passing lane (namely, everyone with a VA plate on their vehicle, shitballs). I shake my fist at you. Or my middle finger. Or rather I get on a bullhorn in front of your house while your annoying brat kids (yes, the ones that were causing you to turn in the car and slap them while you were driving) are sleeping, and I let the world know how much of a fucking royal asshat you are for cutting me off and then slowing down because your demon spawn don't know how to shut the fuck up. At 3am. Fucking douche.

Of course we have the worst drivers in this area. No fucking shit.

Now can we go back to focusing on what is important, like finding the cure for cancer, homelessness, and finding a beautiful woman that will put up with me? Stop telling me shit I already know.

Thank you, that is all.