Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Guest Post: Dating After Divorce

Dear Diary:

This Guest Post (My first one!!!) comes to you from David Stevenson. Off and on, should others wish to submit a GP, please drop me a note directly. I trust you are all smart enough to know how to navigate a web page and find my contact info on here. K thanks bye.

Dating after divorce, is it possible?

For many people who have gone through a divorce it can be an extremely stressful time. It can also leave you asking many questions as to why it happened or whether you could have done anything differently.

The whole experience even if it is amicable will leave some sort of mark on you, and one of the hardest periods can often be the divorce settlement issue which can be taxing on partners, families and even friends.

However, once the process is over you have a new life to contend with and have to realise things will be different. Rather than making decisions that will affect other people you will have to start making choices that directly affect you.

And for many new divorcees this can be quite difficult as they have spent most of their adult life in a co-dependent relationship. Furthermore, for lots of divorcees the idea of going on a date can be quite alien and a very nerve racking thought.

Ideally, if you have come out of a long-term relationship or marriage it is best to let the dust settle so you can make decisions about what you want to do with your life. It can also be a good time to find new hobbies to help build you confidence, focus the mind and allows you to meet new people.

For example, taking an art class can be a good way to let your creative side out while coming across others who are interested in similar things to you.

One thing for sure is that at some point in the future friends and family members will be encouraging you to “get off the shelf”, which is very difficult to do at times.

In some cases they will even set-up blind dates for you. And if they do arrange this and you are feeling confident enough why not go? Most of the time if you do go on one of these little rendezvous you end up having a better time than you thought you would.

I’m not saying that dating after divorce is easy because for everyone it is different. However, there is no reason to believe that just because you are no longer married that it should stop you enjoying your life and in some cases finding love.

The whole process is about having fun and coming to terms with your new lifestyle. One part of the dating game that can be extremely enjoyable is going to a speed dating session with a group of friends.

This allows you to be more relaxed, meet new people and let your hair down. It is important to remember that I’m not saying dating is a way to replace the love you once had or still have for someone – but by taking the leap it can help you make a positive move forward in your life.

3 comments:

  1. Love the guest post!! If you have a topic in mind and would want one from me, by all means, let me know ;-) And I agree, dating after divorce is tough, but for me, I learned so much about myself afterwards, going through the process, figuring out my dealbreakers/makers etc. Worth it!

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  2. Date after divorce is difficult for many and an adventure for a few. Let's face it, it's a difficult time an the emotions run deep while the confidence flows shallow. The human condition is in a complicated and fragile place during this time and support from your family and trusted friends has never been more important than it is at this time.

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  3. Yeah, let the dust settle. No need to rush back out there - do it when you feel ready. If there are kids involved, be a little more careful, and keep an open dialogue with them about it. No one can tell you when you are ready for all of this - decide for yourself. When you are ready, I bet it will be great!

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