Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Of Course Bacon IS Awesome, But....

Dear Diary:

Now, I have pontificated before on the utter glory that is bacon, and pork fat in general. It makes the world go round, from a nice thick cut of apple wood smoked bacon, to pancetta, to well, anything that is bacon. If it has bacon in it, it is bound to be glorious

But, Baconlube?

I will simply have to draw the line at this one. No offense to all you kinky bacon lovers out there, but I prefer a woman to smell like a woman, and taste like a woman, and oh the taste.....so.....mmmmmmmmmmmm.

I will just go out on a limb here and say flat out that I do not think pussy should taste like bacon. Or smell like bacon.

Also, when I first saw this I will freely admit to the large volume of jokes and one liners that started filling my brain in a matter of a few seconds. I mean bacon flavored lube gives "porking" and "going hogging" an entirely new twist now doesn't it? Furthermore, guys have long referred to their junk as their "hog" and "pork sword" and to actually have it taste and smell like bacon could only further complicate things. Talk about an identity crisis.

I for one do not want my junk to taste or smell like bacon either. I mean, what if (and this is a big if lately) some woman is going down on me and I taste like bacon. What if she forgets that what she has in her mouth is not bacon? WHAT IF SHE BITES? I mean, we all know (except for those communist vegetarians and vegans out there) the sheer mesmerizing powers that bacon possesses. Bacon should not be responsible for sexual injuries.

I know bacon is a pleasurable thing, but this may be taking it a little to far. Just sayin'.

4 comments:

  1. LOL! THAT is hysterical. How the eff did you find that?!

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  2. y'know, i thought the whole fetish-ization of bacon thing was just a figure of speech. clearly, it's not.

    also: ew.

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  3. but a little biting can be so good for you...

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