Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Giving Thanks

Dear Diary:

I guess the thing to do this year on the social network chosen by many is, for each day, name someone one is thankful for. At least that is what I have noticed. Some are heartfelt, some are sarcastic, and some make me think the person writing it needs therapy. So I will do my best not to list a litany of things that make you think I need psychoanalysis.

But I make no promises.

I am thankful that I am here. Sure, life isn't perfect. But is sure as shit beats being dead. And I imagine you would probably agree. In fact, I think you would be hard pressed to find proof that death is better than living, because the people who could prove it are dead, and not exactly able to speak. Unless they are zombies, and then well they just make noises and try to eat you. And that there is enough to prove living is better than being dead.

I am thankful that the curb appeal of my house has drastically improved as a result of paying a landscaping company to do what they do best. I mean, they took a small plot of ground and turned it into something beautiful. Got rid of all the grass, and built patios and walkways.The only real problem is the fact that squirrels seem to love to tear up the new mulch. Maybe I should get a pellet gun and start picking them off? Not only would I be rid of them, but I could make myself a hat.

I am thankful for my tongue. It allows me to enjoy tasty, sweet, delicious things. Like pie.

I am thankful for pumpkin pie. Not so much pecan pie. Oh, and peach cream pie from Dangerously Delicious Pies. I am definitely thankful for that. It sells out FAST though when they have it. Too fast if you ask me.

I am also thankful for bacon. Who isn't?

I am thankful I have yet to act out in a fit of road rage and run some of these mutherfuckers who cannot drive right off the road. Seriously people, get the fuck out of the way. You want to know why there is traffic? It's you, dumbass. You are the reason. Now MOVE.

I am thankful for leftovers, particularly Thanksgiving leftovers. I mean, is it completely strange that I like the leftovers better than the actual meal? Am I completely off here? I don't think so.

I am of course thankful for my friends and family. For one, they are the reason I exist. Two, they do the small things, even my friends, such as sending me homemade tortillas and homemade jam. And yes people, you should be jealous.

I am thankful the Foo Fighters put on an AMAZING show on November 11th at the Verizon Center.

I am thankful that I do not have this overriding need to tell people when I need to take a shit or other mundane facets of my life. Hence I have not joined Twitter, which unfortunately when put into the wrong hands demonstrates the utter stupidity of some people.

I am thankful for my divorce. And that's the truth.

Happy Thanksgiving


  1. I still think you should join Twitter.
    And I totally thought you were going somewhere dirty with your 'thankful for your tongue' bit - lol, surprise, surprise!
    And I am glad you are thankful for your divorce. As am I for mine. Obviously.

  2. I am thankful I found your blog.

    My brief obsession with reading your entire archive in my very uneventful Friday night provided me with some chuckles.

  3. best thankfulness list ever.

    and peach cream pie? why was i not made aware of this before now? i must have that.