Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dating, 2.0

Dear Diary:

Forgive me Diary for I have sinned. It has been over two weeks since my last entry.

In those two weeks, I have managed to work my tail off, deal with some family shit, and have gone out with a couple of different women. But before I start writing about any one person on here, let me just give you my thoughts, albeit somewhat borrowed, on the whole online dating realm.

Ladies, you are at a disadvantage. Fellas, you are at a disadvantage as well.

Probably the single biggest flaw in online dating is the number of matches, connects, whatever you want to call it. For people, and yes I include myself in this (not to brag by the way, it just so happens to work out this way) who receive a fairly decent amount of matches per day, focusing is difficult.

What do I mean by that?

Say you go out with one person, and the date was pretty good. He/She was attractive to you, and you both had fun, and it was comfortable and in no way weird. Say you want to see him/her again, and the feeling is mutual.

Then say you get home and check your email and someone just as attractive, or even more attractive, is matched with you. What do you do? You do what most people do. You try to start a conversation (don't lie to yourself and say you don't).

And you lose focus on the person you just went out with.

Now, that is not to say that keeping focus and zeroing in like a laser is a good thing always, because sometimes it can come across like you are a fucking whack job stalker, but if you are reading this and nodding your head, then you kinda sorta know what I am talking about.

But, you are getting hit with requests to converse left and right, and you don't want to have to choose. You want to keep your options open. But say maybe the person who you went out with doesn't have as many requests to converse as you? Maybe they are a little more focused than you are.

Maybe they are not wondering that while they had a great date that maybe tomorrow, tomorrow they will be connected to someone who may be "The One." Maybe for them, you are "The One." Or maybe not, but they are more interested in finding out if you are, as opposed to finding out if "The One" is around the corner waiting to be found.

And this is why I think that online dating, while beneficial, particularly in a large city where ironically enough it is hard to meet people, can be a royal pain in the ass.

Some days you get a lot of matches, and some days you don't. On the days you do you get a bit excited about the sheer number of possibilities while at the same time losing focus on the possibility of something with the person you have already met.

So what is the answer? Is it to stop being so greedy (if that is the appropriate word) and actually take the time to get to know someone? But what if the person whom you really should be with is right around the bend? I guess the answer is different for everyone, and also depends on where someone is at in their life and what they ultimately want.

Personally, I want to slow it down a bit. Because no matter how good someone looks online, there is nothing like making her smile.


  1. I like the way you think.

    Sending smiles your way baby.

  2. So...bottom line, how was the date? ;) and I agrees with you, I'm about focus tooo.

  3. that's why i didn't bother with internet dating between the ex and the man. i went to some happy hours and met people, but i am just not cut out for casual interactions.

  4. Interesting. I've tried online dating a handful of times and I feel I always narrow it down to one I'm really interested in and when that doesn't work out, I'll move onto someone else. I can't manage 5 guys at once. I end up getting too confused with who told me what story. However, I think with this method- I'm also losing out. So when I focus on one, I'm losing out on the others and when I do come back around to them, they've lost interest in me. So I don't think there's any good method to online dating. I will say I've met some decent guys- one of whom I was completely and madly in love with. Unfortunately it didn't last forever.

    Good luck!

  5. Hmmm, I'm really liking the multi-date approach. I guess it depends on how many people you're juggling ;-P, but I've never felt like I was missing out on substance. For me, it's like making friends: You have a bunch of acquaintances with whom you spend time, and eventually, you figure out who your best friend is.

    Plus, multi-dating forces me to take things slowly so charming douchebags don't break my heart, which is always a Good Thing. It's so much harder when you focus on one person right away, you know?

    I hear where you're coming from, though. Sometimes I feel like everyone in this city has dating ADD - they're always looking over your shoulder for someone better. Which kind of sucks.