Friday, August 26, 2011

Jumping Back In

Dear Diary:

So, um, yeah, I think I joined a dating site.  I mean, I remember paying for a subscription.  So yeah, I guess I did.  Back into the old swing of things I guess.

"But you don't sound so enthused about it!"  That's probably what you are thinking.

Well, I am writing write now on pain killers and drinking vodka (don't lecture me), so I am not that emotional at the moment.

What I can say is the following:

-I am looking forward to dating again.  I enjoy it.  And let's face it, I am not getting any younger.

-Rather than sign up for a long ass period of time, I just did something short and manageable, so that I can get out of it if I so choose after a reasonable amount of time.

-The summer is ending, and fall is approaching.  What else is there really to do in this fucking city during the fall and winter other than date?  It is like they are the two seasons custom built for dating.

-I am going to be someone of an unyielding prick insofar as I am not going to let dating dictate my life, my mood, or my schedule.  I did that before, and it was hazardous to my health.  Rather than build a schedule around dating, I am going to build dates into my schedule.  It sounds similar, but it isn't, and there really is a huge difference.

So I know what you are thinking ladies (and yes, I am well aware that the vast majority of my readership has a vagina), and let me stop you before you think I am a prick.  Would you rather me continue to be who I am and let you get to know me, or would you rather me be who you want me to be?  Would you rather me fit snugly into your little box (mind, exit gutter stage left!) or would you rather see if we can build a new one on our own?  I will make time for you, but I will not put everything on hold for you, at least not at this time.

It's not that I do not want to be accommodating in certain respects, but I really do want to be able to stop worrying about whether or not I am going to be liked for who I am. 

So, I hope you will indulge me while I try this whole dating game again, and with a bit of a twist.

And well, if you think I am an egotistical jerk who needs to me more flexible, well, I was flexible already.

This time, I am calling more of the shots.  It's my life, and it's my heart.

But like I said, pain killers and vodka.  This may all be making sense in my head right now, and tomorrow, I may look at it and feel like a fucking asshole.  But, not to self, I will not delete it.

7 comments:

  1. date how you want - it's your dating life too.

    and hope you feel better without chemical benefits soon...

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  2. "I really do want to be able to stop worrying about whether or not I am going to be liked for who I am."

    And you should, because you're awesome. Dating as YOU - "This is my how my life really is" - isn't being a prick; it's being honest. As someone with a vagina, I'd much rather date a guy who has a strong sense of self and is up-front about his work demands and schedule than one who is overly accommodating.

    I know I've been much happier since I started dating on MY terms, with a fuck-it attitude, than I was when I actually cared if guys liked me (if that makes sense). Sooo go have fun. :)

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  3. It's your life, your heart. YES! Exactly. Do what feels right for you. Always supportive of that. And I am personally excited for you and to read all about it :)

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  4. I say YES! Take care of you!

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  5. I would love to snugly fit you into my box.

    *ahem*

    That said, YES YES YES by all means -- do it your way. Make it work for you -- don't work for it. I know exactly what you're saying. Dating turns into a goddamned second job if you let it. You find yourself going out with people you feel *meh* about or staying on a date for four hours when 20 minutes would have sufficed. It can be a drain if you let it, and it sounds like you've been in a place where you let it.

    I just got off all my dating sites (Paolo is enough for me for now) and it feels great. It's one less thing I have to jack with. I'm sure I'll return to it when P and I go bust, but until then I'm enjoying focusing on one dick at a time.

    Best of luck, and hope you blog like crazy about it -- I can't wait to read it.

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  6. Of course you should do it your way, on your terms. Absolutely.

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  7. theres such a power when you use wisdom to dictate your life.

    but go a little easy on the ladies, heartbreaker...

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