Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I Have To Write About The Earthquake Because Everyone Else On The East Coast Is And I Want To Fit In

Dear Diary:

I survived Snowmadeggon. And now I can say I survived an earthquake.

When the earthquake happened, I was standing at a urinal. Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to have the ground shake beneath your feet the second you grab your dick? No? It's weird. I can tell you that. Also slightly amusing.

The other thing that is weird and also slightly amusing is some of the bullshit that some right wing Bible thumping nutbags are saying. I will paraphrase just some of the bullshit that is coming across the interwebs.

"Earthquake happened cause of gay marriage and God hates us"

"God hates Obama and the Democrats and gave us an earthquake"

"God hates government and sent an earthquake to shake up the system"

Blah blah blah.

You know what you never see though? You never see those same people say God shipped their jobs overseas while the corporations that shitcanned them are making record profits. You never see them say that God has kept them unemployed or underemployed. You never see them say God is the reason why almost 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce either.

God did not make the East Coast shake. It's geology stupid. Read a book.

Now bring on the hurricane!

4 comments:

  1. Hahaha! You were PEEING when the earthquake happened? that is hilarious. See, now that would have made a great tweet.

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  2. Ha! I love your take on this! SO true!

    And standing at a urinal? That's awesome. You can't plan that shit.

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  3. OMG, you have made my day. You could get some serious mileage out of this, you know: "Come on, baby, touch my dick. You'll feel the earth move."

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  4. and this is why I read your shit. :)

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