So I got a phone call that a member of the family had passed away Friday night after finally succumbing to leukemia.
You are probably thinking I am heartbroken over this. Sorry, I am not.
Let me give you a little background on mi familia.
My dad is one of four kids. When I say that everyone in my family has been divorced, I am referring to his side of the family. This is the side of the family I share my name with. This is the side of the family that I am closest too. This is the side of the family that I really grew up with, that is, when we were actually around each other because my parents decided to be the ones to move away from their hometown. Everyone else stayed within a few hours driving distance.
My mom is an only child. Her dad, the only grandfather I ever knew (he was a the coolest guy on the planet and I still miss him every now and then, even though he has been dead about 20 years), was also an only child. Her mother however was one of eight. Of those eight, each had about three kids. And each of the kids had about three kids, and I am like the fourth oldest of this generation (the great-grandchildren). So my mom has a huge family. I lost count once the great-grandchildren started popping out babies.
Other than my grandparents, and maybe a dozen or so of this gigantic brood, I never really saw many of them. And I am not close to them, other than a few, and close is a relative term at this point. I cannot tell you even the last time I had a conversation with one of them. They do not call, and neither do I. I couldn't pick half of them out of a line-up if you paid me.
So when I get a phone call that a great-aunt, whom I have seen maybe twenty times over the course of my life, has passed away, I don't really have a sad reaction. I am sympathetic, but other than that, I really do not even know how I am supposed to react to such news. I can offer my condolences, but other than that, what am I supposed to do?
I think my mom was expecting me to have some sort of bigger sense of loss, but I really do not. How can you feel a sense of loss towards something that you barely knew? This woman's death does not, and would not, affect me to the extent that losing someone on my dad's side of the family would.
So, I will now basically just go through the motions, and do what is expected of me as a member of the family, but other than that, I am not doing much. And I don't know if that is fucked up or not at this point.