I am a very private person
Yeah, I know you are shocked, aren't you?
It's is very hard to see if anything is bothering me, if you were to look at me. Maybe I am just designed that way. Some people are. I remember oh, about a decade ago when I was working in the bar business, my good friend/roommate and I were interested in the same girl. My buddy also was in the beginning stages of dating another girl. Anyway, he got both of them, and I had no one. I remember him asking me if I was upset about it, and I told him, "If I was, you would never know." To which he replied, "Yeah, I know."
I also do not like being the center of attention. In fact, I hate the thought of a group of people looking at me. Speaking in front of large groups is not a fun experience for me, although I have gotten exceedingly good at it because of my job.
Where am I going with all of this? I really do not have any idea.
You could call me an introvert with extroverted tendencies, maybe. I am no hermit. I just have a life of routine. It helps me keep balance with the part of my life that is anything but routine, and in fact, carries with it a high level of ongoing stress. This is one of the reasons that my latest gym/eating routine, which requires a high level of discipline, does not bother me nor make me uncomfortable whatsoever. Maybe it's because the process itself requires my mind to take over. I actually find the process itself quite calming, and actually, fun. I mean, while everyone was trying to get home and deal with the storm, I was happy as a fucking clam sweating my ass off at the gym tonight. And the place was practically empty, so I didn't have to wait for shit.
Yeah, I know I am fucking weird. I will admit it.
Now, circling back to the whole keeping my emotions, thoughts, internal.
Lately, yeah, I do have reasons, a few in fact, to be utterly annoyed. I have reasons to be downright disappointed in people. You see, I hate mixed signals and people not keeping their word. To say that I hate when someone says they will do something, and then disregards it, or hopes I forget that they said it, would be an understatement. I have a pretty decent memory. Hell, I can tell you where I was when I turned three, and what my birthday cake looked like.
I am also put off by people who seem to constantly be looking for the next best thing. Maybe that is a result of my divorce, or even maybe that is a result of being moved around as a kid while my dad worked his way up the ladder in his chosen field. Maybe to me it just demonstrates a lack of commitment. I also find it a bit selfish. I think people in general need to be happy with what they have, not with what they hope to have one day. Because thinking about tomorrow is nice, but tomorrow doesn't mean shit if you get hit by a bus today.
Circling back again, there is a very high likelihood that I will never tell those who annoy the shit out of me with their actions just what it is on my mind. I guess I am just not good at expressing myself, at least not when I open my mouth. Hell, sometimes not even when I just open my mind and let the keyboard do the talking.
Or maybe I just don't think they deserve to be let in.