Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Would You Date Me?

Dear Diary:

(Ok, before getting into anything I imagine that you have noticed that I am writing a bit more. This is true, and this also has to do with the fact that I cannot work out at the moment and need to take my mind off that, as well as the fact that I have quit nicotine cold turkey and need to take my mind off that. So, it is either write, or cook an elaborate meal. And I do not have anyone to cook for, so you are stuck reading this pointless bullshit.)

Everyone so often one begins to wonder if there is something wrong with them that somehow makes them undatable. I'm beginning to think that some of the ends of relationships coincide with seasons. I mean, I have never really heard of couples splitting when the weather was fantastic. Have you heard of a couple breaking up on a beach? No, but you have heard them get engaged on one.

Which kinda, sorta, in a round about way, brings me to me. Am I datable? I honestly do not know the answer to this anymore. At one point I thought I was, but looking at the basic facts seems to pain another picture.

I have not been out on a date since, ummmm, what, August? I've had women I used to date come back around and say they are interested and then spend a day with me on a "non-date" and then I haven't heard from them. If you want to imagine how big of a blow to the ego that is, imagine a building, exploding, falling into a sinkhole, then getting hit by a forest fire, and add a tsunami for good measure.

I've gotten the whole "you're great, but I am not ready to date," line. I've been the recipient of the brush-off, of the no-response response. I've put myself out there, even when I was not comfortable at all. And even when dating was going well, I had one ghost show up and completely obliterate my reality and my confidence.

Listen, I'm 32, chubby and hairy. I'm introverted by nature. I'm a dreamer. I like making my partner smile. I'm shy and self-conscious. I can cook. I don't outwardly show excitement, but that doesn't mean I am uninterested. I've been told I am funny, in a deranged and self-deprecating sort of way. I have nice eyes. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke, or use any tobacco products. I do know how to throw down a few drinks. I don't have any psycho ex lovers stalking me (that I know of).

Would you date me?

Or do I already know the answer?


  1. Yeah you are datable, some girls are superficial. I am beginning to think the same of me, however I have a really bad dark side I need to really get rid of. Keep your chin up, you are pretty funny.

    Maybe there should be some blogger speed dating thing. I dated two bloggers in the past -- one is a good friend, the other, yeah that didn't end well.

  2. If I were a few years younger...oh hell yes, I would date you. In a heartbeat! Hey, you're cute, you can laugh at yourself, you have a wicked sense of humor AND you actually CLEAN! What's not to like?

  3. Randomly I saw this chart today that said most people break up 2 weeks before Christmas, Valentine's Day, Spring Break, and Mondays. Hahah. So you're seasons theory isn't that far off.

    And, I'm sure you're dateable. I mean, you unintentionally were the Tooth Fairy and the Nicotine Patch simultaneously for Halloween. Not everyone could pull that off.

  4. That fact that you can cook is an EXTREME positive in my book. Physical characteristics aren't really that important to me, so I'd have no trouble dating a guy who was chubby or hairy (in fact, I consider hairy a plus...call me weird!).

    However there are two red flags I've seen since I started reading your blog about a year ago. One is that you have quite a temper, which seems to get the best of you at times. As a women who grew up in the home of 3 rage-aholics, I won't tolerate anyone who can't control their anger. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're an actual rage-aholic (cuz I don't know if you are), but I've seen your anger flare up in nasty ways from time to time.

    As for my other concern, I have no idea if it even applies to you. I certainly don't mind a man who drinks (I drink myself), but mix that with a quick temper, and I'd think there could be some potential for trouble.

    These are only my outside observations...take them or leave them as you see fit. I believe there is a love match for each of us out there...somewhere....don't give up! :)

  5. Jane, my temper only really comes out here. It's my outlet. When I get upset, I generally work out, or cook, or write.

    And honestly, I don't drink much.

    Just didn't want anyone to get the impression I was an alcoholic with a bad temper.

  6. And CH and Rhianna, thanks.

    And Sarg, I guess I'm just like a genius or something

  7. I like a man with a hairy chest -- its sexy.

  8. I think everyone questions from time to time if they are undateable. I am seriously starting to think I might be...but I am trying to push that thought down.

  9. I will be honest in saying I think you are too closed off emotionally, maybe, to be "datable" at this very moment. And maybe that's because of the way you started your blog post (by saying you are blogging more about this stuff because you are bored, but in reality, I think you really just want to know and don't know how to say it) and how you list out the reasons why you think you are undatable (which are mostly superficial, which yes, I get, some are superficial, but you need to believe in yourself before anyone else does). As for being datable, generally, I think you are going to make the right one swoon, but it just may take longer than you want. See, I am turning the response I hated hearing (that it won't happen overnight) on you, but only because I can now say it is absolutely true!

  10. I don't know you very well, but I don't think you are undatable . . . . but then I'm in Kansas. women there may be different.

  11. Hey, Divorced Guy, you should take me out. I'm just as screwed up and damaged as you are at this point. And more than that, you should come to the happy hour I'm organizing for next week. If you're introverted, I, an extrovert, can introduce you to people.

    Drinks and anger optional. But I'll probably be doing a bit of both. ;)

  12. DateMeDC, I like to consider my screwed-upness and damage as sexy baggage. Think Louis Vuitton, except it won't cost ya $800 bucks to hold me (well, unless I become unemployed, then I will need all the help I can get)

    And for the record, this is the first time I have been asked out on my blog. By a nice pair of lips no less. And if it can only go uphill from here, I am sitting pretty.

    Call me *wink*

    (or email me, since I am not going to post my number for all the world to see)

  13. I hear everything you are saying, and I commiserate. It's hard out there. And I also get what you are saying about only showing your anger here. I use writing in much the same manner, and sometimes it is shocking to people when true, honest, unpleasant feelings are put out there, but I say more power to you. Vent, vent, vent, until you've worked it out.

    And I think that Jolene as always, makes a good point about waiting for the right person, but it is hard to hear and hard to believe until it happens.

  14. I can relate to feeling undateable. Why would anyone want to date an old, failure at marriage with 4 kids? Its hard to imagine it. It was so much easier to be an appealing "package" when I was in college. I love my kids and I do work out but I don't see why anyone would really want to latch onto me! You sound like a nice guy, fun and sensitive. It's just hard to meet people. Seems everyone is married. Other people seem to meet people. Heck I've seen people meet someone new and get married within a year. I don't get it. I certainly could not have dated or married anyone this past year. Maybe in the future? I don't know.

  15. I think the dating websites have superficiality built into them and make people who don't fit the "mold" feel like crap when there are truly a ton of people out there who are real and want a "real" guy. I felt completely undateable and a failure. I don't think my ego would have survived a dating website. I think it's wise to stay away! Maybe you should get involved in some volunteer work or hobby. My friend is making good friends through her running group and there is chemistry with a couple of different guys. It's about the interaction in real life instead of the picture and resume you know???

  16. Yes, I would date you.
    Would you just get out here already?

  17. Just happened upon your site and it's refreshing to see a man's point of view.

    I joined one of those hugely popular dating sites last Christmas Day - just after my ex picked up the kids. I was so damn lonely that I just clicked and joined.

    I can empathize with sending out a quality and sincere email - putting myself out there stark and naked via email, but not even getting a response back! How humiliating. Supposedly, according to women I work with, I'm handsome, ambitious, sincere, humerous ... a 'good catch'. So, to not get a response back was sometimes crushing!

    My small two cents worth is that the rules should be that if someone emails you, you do not have a choice but to email back - thumbs up, or thumbs down. Even a polite 'No' would be better than an unexpected void for so much effort.

  18. Sure as hell you're dateable. (Sorry my comments are so late. I'm getting caught up on your blog after disappearing like an asshole.)You sound like my kind of guy. Chubby and hairy? Pfffft. Every guy I've dated has been chubby and hairy. Ain't no thang. Unless you're a shallow bitch, in which case....

    Knowing your affinity, however, for cooking and beer, I bet we'd be great friends. Dammit. Too bad you live so far away.

    I need some guy friends here. I think friends of the opposite sex who are TRUE friends (and not future fuck partners) can take the sting out of being single.