(Ok, before getting into anything I imagine that you have noticed that I am writing a bit more. This is true, and this also has to do with the fact that I cannot work out at the moment and need to take my mind off that, as well as the fact that I have quit nicotine cold turkey and need to take my mind off that. So, it is either write, or cook an elaborate meal. And I do not have anyone to cook for, so you are stuck reading this pointless bullshit.)
Everyone so often one begins to wonder if there is something wrong with them that somehow makes them undatable. I'm beginning to think that some of the ends of relationships coincide with seasons. I mean, I have never really heard of couples splitting when the weather was fantastic. Have you heard of a couple breaking up on a beach? No, but you have heard them get engaged on one.
Which kinda, sorta, in a round about way, brings me to me. Am I datable? I honestly do not know the answer to this anymore. At one point I thought I was, but looking at the basic facts seems to pain another picture.
I have not been out on a date since, ummmm, what, August? I've had women I used to date come back around and say they are interested and then spend a day with me on a "non-date" and then I haven't heard from them. If you want to imagine how big of a blow to the ego that is, imagine a building, exploding, falling into a sinkhole, then getting hit by a forest fire, and add a tsunami for good measure.
I've gotten the whole "you're great, but I am not ready to date," line. I've been the recipient of the brush-off, of the no-response response. I've put myself out there, even when I was not comfortable at all. And even when dating was going well, I had one ghost show up and completely obliterate my reality and my confidence.
Listen, I'm 32, chubby and hairy. I'm introverted by nature. I'm a dreamer. I like making my partner smile. I'm shy and self-conscious. I can cook. I don't outwardly show excitement, but that doesn't mean I am uninterested. I've been told I am funny, in a deranged and self-deprecating sort of way. I have nice eyes. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke, or use any tobacco products. I do know how to throw down a few drinks. I don't have any psycho ex lovers stalking me (that I know of).
Would you date me?
Or do I already know the answer?