Friday, October 29, 2010

Fuck, My Mouth

Dear Diary:

Well, I am thankful today is over. The root canal went off without a hitch, and I am now sitting here with faint tastes of blood in my mouth as a result of having two wisdom teeth removed.

Oh, and I am hopped up on Vicodin. And part of my face is still numb. And I feel like someone punched me in the mouth, with a Volvo.

The root canal was the easy part. In fact, this is my second root canal, and they are really nothing spectacular. I think when people think of them as oh so painful, it's because of a preconceived notion of what it entails. But it's nothing more than drill, kill, and fill. They drill a hole, kill the nerve, hollow out the root, and fill it with plastic, then cap it. Forty minutes tops. I've taken shits longer than that.

Now as far as the wisdom teeth go, I will say this: I will never, I repeat FUCKING NEVER EVER FUCKING NEVER get wisdom teeth removed again without being put under. I didn't have a choice this time, but I have two wisdom teeth left and when those fuckers are coming out, it's nap time for this guy.

I felt like I was being pulled in different directions, and the sound, oh for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, that sound, the pop, of bone and tooth separating is something I hope to never, I repeat FUCKING NEVER EVER FUCKING NEVER, hear again. And that is what I told the gentleman who did the procedure. He did in fact describe it very well and the procedure happened just as he said it would, and asked me if it went as he said it would, and I agreed that it did, but that sound, holy fuck all I don't ever want to hear that sound again.

And now I can't eat anything except yogurt and ice cream tonight. And tomorrow I get to move up to mashed potatoes (which I made with a garlic and shallot butter) and squash, or mac' and cheese.

One thing I cannot do is spit. And I also cannot dip. So I guess this little recovery period will get me off my nicotine addiction. But I wish I didn't have to hear the fucking sound for it to happen.


  1. First mistake: not being put under.
    Second mistake: why not get all four out and get it over with?! ;-)
    In all seriousness, hope you feel better soon and the vicodin makes you plenty happy ;-)

  2. I don't have wisdom teeth. I say that it's because I'm further evolved than most people, but I think it's really because I have a weird phobia of wisdom teeth removal that is in no way mitigated by my adoration of prescription painkillers. In other words, I would lose my shit if I had to hear that noise. Sorry.

  3. I was also awake when I had mine removed. It was the worst sound ever. EVER. Plus the feeling of grinding and crunching...and the laughing gas did jack shit for me. I was totally lucid.

  4. dear. freaking. GOD. i am SO getting sedated when i get my wisdom teeth out. way to put the fear of god into me.

    hope the recovery goes well. enjoy the vicodin...

  5. Oh man, they didn't knock you out for the wisdom teeth - yikes.

    the mashed potatoes sound good -- you should have had all your blogger friends come over and feed them to you this weekend.


  6. I agree with the IV sedation for the next 2! Yikes!

  7. I had six wisdom teeth. The normal four were there, and I had an extra set above the top two as well. Oh my Lord, I can't imagine having been awake for oral surgery! Fuck that shit! Also, I learned after the first four were removed to find an oral surgeon with small hands for the last two.