Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dating in DC, A Year (kinda) in Review

Dear Diary:

I have been seriously dating in the District a little over a year. When I say seriously dating I mean seriously putting myself out there, not relationship bullshit like, "sorry you buxom blond bimbo with DSLs from heaven, I have a girlfriend."

If there is one thing I have learned over the past year or so (give or take a couple months because I have been dealing with other shit thank you very much) it's that dating in this city, for lack of a better word, sucks.

It fucking sucks. Seriously. Dating in this city can suck a fart out of my ass, after eating Mexican. That is how jaded I am as I write this.

What I can't fathom for the fucking life of me is that with all the educated people in this area, it is chock full of fucking self-absorbed idiots. Oddly enough, I can picture women reading who happen to live in my area nodding their head in agreement. It does cut both ways, and I am sure that I have been thought of in the aforementioned group of morons at one time or another (I'm not awesome enough to be self-absorbed, unless you count the fact I blog about shit), but for fuck's sake, make it stop.

One thing I have respect for is at least being honest with someone when you don't want to see them anymore. But that bullshit where you just stop talking to them or communicating in any form in hopes they will take a hint is pathetic.

And ladies, for the love of all that is good and holy, please deal with whatever issues you may have before going out with me. I am not your former boyfriend who fucked you over, so don't run away from me and use him as an excuse. And for the LOVE OF GOD, do not get sloppy drunk on a date and flash the cab driver and then sit on the curb and pull your panties aside for everyone to see. You think it's seductive, I think it's indecent exposure.

And fellas, don't be a fucking douche, because honestly, I do not want to hear about how big of an asshole you were when I am on a date with a woman who thought you would be better off shoveling shit at a carnival.

And when you are having a date with someone, at least have the common fucking courtesy to look them in the eye when you talk, even if you are doing nothing but thinking about your exit strategy. If I can fake it until I make it out of there, so can you.

Yet, somehow, and I have no fucking clue how this is even still possible at this point, I remain optimistic. There has got to be ONE, at least ONE, normal, fun loving, intelligent, compassionate, caring, sweet, kind, lively, seductive, secure, confident, inquisitive, curious, attractive woman in the greater metropolitan area who likes to eat red meat, seafood, drink beer, and who would like to get to know me, date me, and at some point have intense, passionate, sweaty, mind-altering sex, with ME.

Eh, maybe I just need to be put down and put out of my misery. I think a nice shotgun blast to the back of the head ought to do it, or maybe even having my intestines pulled out of my ass until I bleed to death. Lord knows it would probably be less painful than me beating my head against a brick wall like I have done for what seems like a fucking eternity at this point.

So, who want's to go out?


  1. Hey, I think I could of written that post (except I'm a girl)! "There's got to be one.." and "maybe I just need to be put out of my misery.." are my thoughts exactly! Ugh!

  2. Ugh. I know, I obviously have had my fair share of crappy dates. It's so hit or miss, and there's a lot of baggage to be had on both sides (as you allude to) and past bad experiences that inevitably bleed into the present, (even if they have no bearing on the person across the table!). I think one thing that I hate most is games and dishonesty. If you don't want to go out again, so say, don't pussyfoot around it, and if you just want one thing, that too should be more obvious. Never is though until it's too late. Clearly this is a rambling comment but you get the gist ;)

  3. yeah, this town is... special. but just as there are oh, so many obnoxious jerks, there are a ton of fun and interesting people. it's just hard to find them...

  4. I feel the exact same way. I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse to know I'm not the only one.

  5. I feel your pain. Only, I'm pretty sure that this problem extends far outside of D.C. as most of my friends, male and female, could have written the post you wrote above at one time or another.

  6. and on top of all this I now have to go to the fucking dentist.

    seriously. shoot me in the ass

  7. I'm not really a hippy trippy, The Secret reading kind of gal, but I firmly believe in remaining positive and not getting mired down in the bullshit; it often leads to disappointment but also helps you to bounce back in the belief that, while this date or that date was craptastic, eventually there will be one that is decidedly not. Our histories only dictate our future if we allow them to.

    Chin up, Cookie. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

  8. This could never work. I'm a vegetarian ;)

    But seriously--who in the hell are these women you are going out with?! And I thought dating in New York was bad. I'm with you on the dishonesty thing, and I've seen so much of that lately. Don't lose hope though :)

    PS: I'm your latest follower.

  9. I am with you! Dating sucks and online dating sucks even more. While it offers excellent blog stories - like who really asks "Is this is the biggst you have ever seen?" - I am so frustrated.

    I eat redmeat but not seafood :-)

  10. Oh, kitten.

    You sound right up my alley. Too bad you don't live in Dallas.

    And anyway, I always assumed it was just the men who were fuckwits on dating sites; don't tell me my fellow sisters are showing their asses and acting a fool, too?

    If I've learned anything from this blog, and mine, is that stupidity, disappointment, sadness, loneliness, desire, doubt, self-consciousness and overuse of the word "fuck" goes both ways -- doesn't matter if you're male or female.