Five months ago I stepped on a scale and weighed 264 pounds. During the month of August, I was in a cast and could not exercise, and that, coupled with being in an absolute funk and emotionally eating and drinking, put me back to to 264 pounds.
Over the last month, I have felt my clothes getting tighter, and there are some shirts that I cannot even wear at the moment. This bothers me. What bothers me more though was that I could not find any motivation whatsoever, nor could I find inspiration to do what I know I needed to do. I chose a life of convenience, which included not moving much, and eating what was available as opposed to what was healthy. Food is fuel. Sure, some of the shit tastes mighty good, but it is just fuel.
Then today, when I was thinking about working out, but also thinking about how bad my back was fucking killing me after doing hard physical labor this weekend, Jolene over at To Be Determined shared with me a little video, which can be found here.
I won't lie and say that I was not deeply touched by that video. I won't lie and say that I didn't cry watching it. I also won't lie and say that my attitude toward my body has not caused me bouts of depression, which causes me to leave the rest of the world alone and revert inward, blocking everyone out while I try to deal with it because I feel ashamed.
But then I watched this video. In fact, I cannot get that video to stop playing in my memory. I found it to be more than inspiring. At its foundation, it is a story of hope and perseverance, of achieving goals, and of slaying the ghosts of one's past in order to define one's own future.
The difference between Ben, and even Tyler, and myself is that they both seem to have a built in support system of family, friends, and the like, that are right there with them. And when I say with them, I mean right there, not 3000 miles away. I don't have that, not anymore. I had that support system with my ex-wife, and we lost weight and got healthier together. I lost 60 pounds when I was married, working together with her to achieve that. I won't lie and say I don't miss that.
But, as Ben said, "if you want to do it, all you have to do is do it."
And I just did. 3.5 miles in fact.
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