Monday, August 2, 2010

On Hiatus

Dear Diary:

Tomorrow I go in for surgery to repair a severed nerve in my hand. As a result, I will be in a cast for 2-3 weeks while everything heals. As a result of that, the likelihood of you hearing from me is not that high.

So I figured I would just rant and rave about completely random bullshit, maybe go on some tangents in a stream of consciousness type of way, bitch and moan about a couple things, and expound upon things that I think are great.

And off we go!

-The summer is winding down, thankfully, I think. This summer has been a complete and total cooker. I have never seen days where it has been so ungodly fucking hot in my life. Oh, and here is a tip for everyone out there: don't go for a run when it is 100 fucking degrees out unless you want to feel like your head is going to evaporate and your skin will melt off.

-The bad part about summer winding down (which come on now, we all know won't happen for a while) is that there will be less and less women wearing summer dresses and showing off their bare legs. I am more of a leg guy than a tit guy, so this depresses me. Well not really, but I am going to miss seeing all the legs to heaven walking around my neighborhood. Short skirts are the bomb, yo.

-The deck was a failure, so I am going to improvise. After walking around the city a bit and checking out the back yards of some of the folks in my greater neighborhood region, I came up with a solution that I think will work out just fine: stairs. I am just going to build some stairs going out of my back door and then build the deck on the ground, where it will cover up some really rocky soil that is of no use to anyone, namely myself. And if it isn't of use to me, that's all that matters because well, I own the place.

-The backyard right now looks like the fucking rain forest. My tenant that I rent my basement apartment to is a bit of an environmentalist, and well, likes working with soil. Reality check tenant-o-mine, there is no fucking soil in DC. There is only dirt. This is not fucking Indiana where you can plant corn and wheat and shit and have your own sustainable garden. The dirt has years upon years of random dumping and crap in it. But that didn't stop you from planting corn and broccoli and lettuce and all other types of random shit before you left town for work for two months. And as a result, I need a machete to get into my backyard. Bastard.

-I wonder when I will be able to have sex again? Probably not until the cast comes off. But however, it is not like I have a woman that I am sleeping with at the moment, so me thinking about this is about as useful as tits on a bull.

-I have a feeling putting on pants may be a difficult task come tomorrow afternoon. As well as putting on socks. Too bad I cannot show up at work in gym shorts and flip flops. I think we need a dress code change.

-I think morning sex should be required by law. Think of how many people that you work with that would not be complete and total asshats because they got laid that morning? I think this would make the world a much happier place.

-Is it odd that the thing I am most worried about is not being able to work out? I have not lifted weights since I stabbed my hand, but I have gone running quite a few times. However, I do not know if I will be able to run with the cast on for fear of inadvertently fucking up the healing that is happening.

-I had a large dead tree removed from my front yard, and now have four gigantic bags of mulch I have to do something with. Once the cast is off, I think it will be time to finally landscape. I have been drawing up plans for a while now, but I think I know exactly what I want to do. I will build a platform in the front yard. A bit of a mini deck if you will, and then landscape around it, and throw a park bench on it so I can enjoy a morning cup of coffee outside, or a beer in the evening.

-Paint smells like shit after it gets old. Use it, or chuck it and buy some new stuff. Trust me on this one.

I think that is all for now. Maybe I will throw up some pictures of my stitched up hand, or at least the cast so you can all laugh at my misery.

Most expensive fucking avocado ever, mark my words.


  1. LOL. My thoughts:
    -asshat is an oft-underused word - great usage here ;)
    - I love summer, so please, let's not wish it away, nor the summer clothing. I also prefer skirts and tank tops and have a much bigger summer wardrobe than winter. just sayin.
    - the rainforest look ain't a bad thing. lots of good oxygen, no?!
    - good luck with the hand and figuring out how to work out and uh, wear pants. This ougtta be interesting to hear about...

  2. It's always hot here in the summer, but I've never had an injured hand in the summer so that may account for your discomfort.

    I agree, morning sex is great . . . but I'm single and live in po-dunk-ville, bfe middle of no where and the datable guys are more than lacking.

    I hope the surgery goes well and you heal fast.

    Let us know how the dressing goes, maybe your office could go toga for the duration of your casting?

    I never liked avocados anyway.

  3. hope the healing process is as easy as possible.

    i am totally with you on the morning sex thing. another benefit? you totally don't have to be self-conscious about looking rumply or weird, because you both just woke up. nice. another option is to date people who are essentially nocturnal; you basically finish your activities as the sun is coming up. hell on the one of you who actually has to be productive during the daylight hours, but so worth it.

  4. Wow, look at all the pro-morning-sex'ers - I guess I'm in the minority there...never been a huge fan of it, morning breath, unshowered etc. Type A I guess to a "T." but never say never! LOL!

  5. Throw down a brick paver patio out back this fall bordered by a few beds for your renter to plant. Put your grill on the patio and grill meat all year long.

    Whenever I send my dh off to work after a morning romp I feel as though I have sent him off happy and he will have a productive day. :-) Now he needs to come home and take care of me in the afternoon as that is 'my' time! LOL

    Don't run with the arm...give it a few sure the dr will tell you that.