Sunday, July 18, 2010

Dearly Beloved

Dear Diary:

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of one man, and one avocado, for they shall forever be intertwined from now until eternity, or rather, until he is dead and buried and no one gives two shits about his severed nerve.

I need surgery.

Fuck me standing.

I had an appointment with one of the top dogs of orthopedic surgery in the area (because this is the treatment you get when the first emergency crew to respond says "oh, its superficial, it will heal" because they didn't clean the wound and realize I punctured an artery) a few days ago. It lasted about fifteen minutes. During said appointment, he took out this little tool with some prongs on it, and poked my hand.

He asked how many prongs he was poking me with, and I got it right until he touched one finger on my hand. When he asked, I said I felt nothing. And I didn't. And then he pressed under my finger, right above the original wound, and asked me if it tingled, and it did.

Now, I imagine as far as nerve damage goes, I am fairly lucky. I have full motion of my hand and fingers, but there one entire side of a finger is completely numb, and has been for over a week now, all because I severed a nerve. The only time I feel anything is when I unfortunately pull at the scar tissue that is forming around the nerve, causing a shot of pain to move up the finger. Because, well, as we all know, nerves don't like that shit.

So, according to the doc, if I want to be able to have any feeling whatsoever in the affected area ever again, I need surgery.

Hot diggity dog.

Now, as far as injuries go, I have never broken a bone or torn anything major. I have never had surgery, ever. This is my first one. I still even have my fucking wisdom teeth (well, at least for two more months roughly).

I have to be put under because apparently, while my hand is not that thick (not like other parts of me ;) you know?) the surgery is fairly invasive. It is an outpatient procedure, so it shouldn't take long, but after the surgery I get to have a cast on for three weeks.

A cast, for three weeks, most likely during the hottest fucking month of the year.

Oh yeah, totally looking forward to this.


  1. wow. three weeks in a cast? that's intense. do they at least think you'll get your full sense of feeling back in that hand?

    hope it goes well. i'll be thinking of you...

  2. Wow! I hope the hospital where the original diagnosis was messed up is footing most of the bill.

    Surgery sucks, I've had two and always throw up from the knock out drugs.

    Hope they fix your hand though.

  3. Oh wow, I feel so bad! That's awful. Guess you really will need the cute girls from the beach with sunscreen more than ever now ;-P (laughing I hope at that...)