Friday, April 30, 2010

....Shit

Dear Diary,

I got an email this morning from Girl 9. The kind that started with "Hey there :)" and ended with "I really think you are a wonderful man. Best of luck to you!"

She said she isn't ready to date. I can respect that.

But at some point one starts to think. I have been in the dating world for a year, and I have gotten more than these types of reactions than I would like. At some point one starts to look in the mirror, you know?

You start to wonder if it is going to be like this forever. You start to wonder if you are going to ever get used to this feeling. You start to wonder if they are not ready to date or just not ready to date you.

You start to look in the mirror. You start to see imperfection. You start to see everything that is wrong, while not seeing what is right. You start to question if it is even worth it. You start to question everything.

And then you remember. You remember coming home to someone. You remember what it was like to curl up on the couch with someone. You remember what her laugh sounded like. And then you start to hear her voice again, calling you that one pet name only she called you.

And then you remember the pain. You remember the embarrassment. You remember the shame you felt. You remember how alone you felt.

And then you remember how hard you worked. You remember how much you have grown. You remember that you are stronger. You remember you are wiser. You remember who you are now is much better than who you were then.

And then you remember that you are worth something. And then you realize that one day, maybe, you will be worth something to someone else again. And then you realize that while these little messages are disappointing, they happen to people everyday, and you are not alone.

And then the reflection in the mirror doesn't look so bad after all.

2 comments:

  1. AMEN and a double damn straight to that...I am sure it got you down, and you went through that range of emotions you talked about here, but if you can pull yourself out of it and realize you are worth it and your perfect fit WILL happen, then that's all that matters. you are stronger, happier and more confident, and that's all that matters, right?! Onward :)

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