Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Divorced Guy's Rules For Online Dating

Dear Diary,

As you know, I have been giving this online dating thing a try for a good while now. And while I have definitely enjoyed myself, I do understand online dating is not for everyone. That being said, when you live in a fairly large city where life moves at an insanely fast pace, online dating is definitely an option to consider.

With where I live and with what I do, I do not have the time to go out all the time and try to meet people. Oftentimes, after work has kicked my ass, I do not really want to be near anyone. I would much rather work out, rent a movie, and relax. So, for me, online dating is a positive.

Also, as ironic as this may sound, it is not easy to meet people in a city. For instance, there could be that one person out there for you and you will never, ever, meet them just because of the number of people that live in your area. I mean, even though she still lives in the city, randomly enough, I haven't even randomly run into my ex, so what are the chances that I will randomly bump into my next?

Now, that being said, online dating does have it's drawbacks. For instance, a person can look like a model, yet have the IQ of a piece of granite. Or, they could not be one's general "type" but could actually be the most interesting person in the world. It's hit or miss. So, what it boils down to is that online dating is all about putting yourself out there and taking a risk. Think of it as meeting someone at a bar, minus the alcohol and hefty bar tab.

But, as anything, there should be some fucking rules, and guess what, I have some for you. So, let's begin.

-If someone sends you a message, respond in a timely manner. The response can be positive, or it can say "thanks, but no thanks," but, for the love of all that is good and holy, respond. A timely manner can be days, but it shouldn't be a few weeks. This shit is not free you know.

-Don't ever sign up for just a trial period. If you are going to take the plunge, don't be a pussy, and put some cash down. You do not have to sign up for a five year membership, but you can't give it an honest try if you try to be a cheap chicken shit.

-Don't be desperate. People do not generally want to read that you are looking for your soul mate and someone that can make you happy. Are you saying you are not happy with yourself? I am looking for someone to date and get to know. I am not looking for a project. I have enough of those with my house thank you very much.

-Don't get discouraged. Like I said, dating in a city, particularly a very busy one, is not that easy. Understand that people actually do have shit that they need to take care of, and are not sitting by the computer waiting for their prince or princess charming to come sweeping in. If someone doesn't respond right away, don't worry. However, don't be a idiot and wait a month and feel sorry for yourself that they never said hello. Like I said, timeliness is key, but, it should also be within reason.

-Be proactive. Do not wait for people to contact you. If you like what you see, then contact them. Do not think you are so fucking special that everyone must come to you. That is high maintenance, and if that is the case, there is probably a good reason you are resorting to online dating to begin with.

-Pictures are important. Now, please do not put up a picture that was taken three years ago unless you haven't physically changed other than your hair. Be honest with your pictures. Also, be wary of close-ups. People want to see what you look like, but they do not also want to see how long your nose hair is.

Now, these are just a few simple rules, and I am sure if given more time, I could come up with a few more, but, I am tired, so you will just have to deal with it. I will say though that if you are going to try online dating, be positive, and be open minded. Online dating is as much about meeting and getting to know other people as it is about getting to know yourself and what you are ultimately looking for. You may find out that what you have in your mind as your ideal person is completely shattered, and for the better.

Take risks, enjoy, and have fun.

The Divorced Guy


  1. I tried online dating for a while, and I have to say that once I blocked the weirdos, it was actually a pretty positive experience. You're right that it can be difficult to meet people in your own city through "regular" channels when you're holed up at work all day.

    I think that online dating is a lot more common now than it used to be. It's kind of like today's meeting in a bar, y'know?

  2. I agree with momma sunshine that its quite common now. these tips are great!:) I actually do not in line date after marrying a psycho I met on line!:) However..its only been 16 months since I went on a date..when I hit the 2 year mark I may reconsider my position!!:)

  3. Great rules - I wish all guys (and women too) adhered to them though ;-) Good luck - taking the plunge again into online dating are ya? nice!

  4. BF and I are a success story! There is hope.