I am a bit numb at the moment, so this will take a while to write.
I had a chance to see Girl 7 tonight, as she came back in town to take care of some things and take a break from her work trip. She wanted to see me, but I couldn't see her. Or rather, I cannot see her.
In fact, right now, I cannot see anyone.
I called her and told her that tonight wouldn't work, and that lead to a conversation that right now, we wouldn't work. And I can honestly say that it had nothing to do with her whatsoever, but everything to do with what I stumbled across while cleaning up.
A piece of paper.
Actually, a piece of expensive paper, in a very nice envelope.
With words on it.
That was printed at a local printer.
With a blue border.
Announcing my marriage to my ex-wife.
My wedding invitation.
I thought I got rid of everything, but somehow, in the move to my apartment last year when I was scrambling to pack and get out of a house I sold in three weeks, and the move into my new place, and being busy with work, and being busy renovating a house, and being busy with life in general and not having time to do anything with anything or anyone, I fucking missed one singular piece of paper in a nice envelope.
So, now I sit here rather numb. And honestly, Girl 7 deserves better than what I can give her right now. She is a great human being, and I wish that I could be in a place mentally to be able to be the guy she deserves, but, right now, I need a break, and I need to work on me some more.
I am not a fan of this to tell you the truth. I am not a fan of the fact that I have one more ghost to annihilate. I am not a fan that the ghost has been hiding in my mind this entire time and I was too busy and distracted to notice it.