Sunday, January 31, 2010

Reason #26 Why My Life Is Random

Dear Diary:

Yesterday, I met up with some friends and had dinner, a few laughs, and a fun conversation. We met up at a buddy's apartment out in the DC suburbs, and I braves the wintry weather and shitty roads to make the trek because, well, I wanted to see them (and I think they wanted to see me because I cooked).

After making a fairly simple dinner of chicken sandwiches on Italian bread with pesto mayonnaise, avocado, sliced tomato, romaine lettuce, and Havarti, with some seasoned oven fries, we drank some wine, ate some brownies (which I also made and brought over), and I was on my merry way.

The drive was pretty crappy. The roads sucked. The wind was howling, and people that were driving did not know how to drive in the weather.

Tip #45 when driving in snow: When the road are slick, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

Anyway, I took the GW Parkway as a shortcut. Mistake number one. The GW wasn't plowed well, and the road was slick and since it has a lot of turns, probably not the smartest thing to do.

Mistake number 2 was scratching my nose when it is cold and dry out. Why was this a mistake you ask? Well it's because it unleashed a torrent of blood out of my nose. Now, bloody noses, in the winter, are something that I have become accustomed to getting and dealing with. However, uncontrollable bloody noses while driving, in the dark, on a bad road, with snow everywhere, is NOT, I repeat NOT, something that I have become accustomed to dealing with.

So, there I was, driving, with one hand cupping my nose so I wouldn't get blood everywhere, and the other hand driving, while trying to remember where the fuck I had napkins in the car. And I remembered they were in the glove box, but, in order to get them, I had to remove my hand covering my nose, and when I did, blood went everywhere.

So now I am driving, covered in blood, and frantically getting the napkins out, while trying to maneuver my car so I didn't end up in the fucking Potomac or the in the woods on the other side. I managed to stuff a napkin up my nose, and headed to a gas station where I usually fill up.

When I got there, I took out the napkin and I was again, covered in blood, except now the blood was also dripping on the concrete. The attendant had locked the doors, so I went up to the window, looking like I had just partied with the Manson Family. He kindly let me in and told me to go to the bathroom. (By the way, blood on concrete in the winter looks like something out of the movies. BRIGHT RED. It is kind of cool in retrospect)

Now, a little trick to stopping a bloody nose is to wad up paper and stuff it under your upper lip. The pressure stops the bleeding apparently. And this is what I did, while also stuffing paper towels up my nostril so that while the blood flow was abating, I wouldn't get more blood on me. When I came out of the bathroom, the attendant, a nice Indian man in his early fifties, then asked me how I got the bloody nose, and proceeded to tell me what the doctor used to do for him when he got them when he was younger. I told him I was ok, and bought some Skoal (yeah yeah, don't want to hear it), and headed home.

When I got home, the combination of the paper in the upper lip, and the paper towel up the nostril had stopped the bleeding. I saw my neighbors, and hopefully I didn't look like I just murdered someone.

When I got inside, I looked in the mirror and my face and clothes were covered in blood. And I am doing laundry as we speak (OxiClean does wonders by the way).


  1. Hydrogen Peroxide. Lifts the blood right out.

  2. OMG that was a frigin riot!! This was my fave line "...looking like I just partied with the Manson family" - in all seriousness, glad you're okay, but I appreciated the funny read on a Monday morning!

  3. Didn't you have a previous experience of being on the toilet and getting a bloody nose? I think I remember trying to forget ever reading that post but it obviously didn't work. This one while more scary for you wasn't half as gross as the other one. FYI....Saline spray everyday from fall to spring at least and a humidfier at night as well!

  4. I loved this entry, you had me with you visually along for your car ride. Still can't quit laughing!