Friday, May 8, 2009

Ok Ok

Dear Diary:

Forgive me Diary, for I have sinned. It has been well over a week since my last entry.

Ahh fuck it.

Ok, as a warning to all who may stumble upon this, I have had a couple of beers tonight. Well, maybe more like 8, but who is counting really?

Secondly, I am a bit annoyed. I really do not know why, but I am annoyed nonetheless.

Now, there is a good reason why I have not written anything recently. Honestly, I have been working my fucking ass off and I do not want to hear it that I have some sort of responsibility to update you about my daily life on a day by day basis (ok, I probably do, but like I said, I have been drinking).

Anyway, the subject that I wanted to tell you about before that I have been putting off has to do with me. And it has to do with something that some may not really grasp because they see another side of me.

I am shy, I mean really shy.

This is something that I have struggled with my entire life. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I moved around a lot as a kid. It seemed as though I was in a new school about every three years, and it was difficult having to make friends over and over and over again, so I withdrew into myself because it was the only place I really ever felt safe. And this has proven to be the absolute hardest thing for me to overcome.

Now don't get me wrong, in small groups, with people that I know and am comfortable with, I do just fine. But, put me in a large group by myself and have me fend for myself and I am the guy that ends up in the corner of the room sipping his drink and watching people.

I think that is why this exercise is a bit healthy (or it may be detrimental, too early to tell). In this type of forum, my mind can roam free, without the need to censor myself and I can just let loose.

When my father told a good friend of mine that I was getting married, my buddy seemed shocked, and told my dad that he never thought it would happen because he thought I would never go out and actually find someone.

Kind of says a lot about me doesn't it?

2 comments:

  1. I would much rather a shy guy who comes out of his shell when appropriate than an obnoxious ass who doesn't know when to shut up. So don't sweat it...besides...you can meet someone special anywhere. Doesn't have to be approaching someone at a bar. Your drunk blogging was pretty tame compared to your sober blogging :-)

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  2. I, too, can be painfully shy and oftentimes, awkward as ass. If I said that in front of my friends, they'd laugh until they peed on themselves, because to them, I am Miss Extrovert. However, I have worked very hard and continue to push myself to work hard to overcome social anxiety, and know all too well the comments that can come as a result of it. "Oh, she's such a snob," or "She thinks she's better than I am," or whatever.

    I quite enjoy your drunk blogging. You're very surly. :D

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