Thursday, May 28, 2009

Oh For Fuck's Sake

Dear Diary:

Have you ever had a moment that reminded you of something and all of a sudden your mind was back in a place that you can only wish you would forget? Have you ever had a realization that you wished never happened so that you would not go through life knowing how that realization made you feel, nor how it affected you? Because I sure as shit have.

This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend. On Saturday, I was taking a hike with AJ, and then we decided to hit the trail along the Potomac and it suddenly dawned on me that a year ago, this same weekend, my ex was in PA while she said the was at the beach, and then later house sitting in MD. When I later went through the bank statements when going through discovery, that is what I learned. And then it dawned on me.

How could she have lied like that? And then I got angry at myself. How could I have been such a fucking sucker not to have known what was going on? How the fuck could I have allowed anyone to treat me like that? Why the fuck didn't I find out who it was (if it was anyone, and I am pretty positive there was) and crack their fucking skull on the pavement? I mean, if there was another man (yup, pretty sure there was even though I have no proof and cheaters never admit they cheated), what type of fucking piece of lowlife human garbage goes after another person's spouse? How desperate for affection and attention does one have to be to go after another man's wife or another woman's husband?

All those bastards should be lined up against a wall and have to cut their own stomachs open and watch their intestines fall to the ground as far as I am concerned.

Ok, now that was pretty damn morbid wasn't it? Anyhow, that was Saturday.

Sunday was spent for the most part at a BBQ out at my friends' place near Annapolis. A bunch of us got together and just grilled and drank and talked. Aside from one other, everyone else was married. One couple has a baby and one is expecting. Of course, that made me think of where I could have been in my life had I not gotten a divorce, and I felt a bit lonely. So, when I got home, I did what many people who work a lot and have trouble meeting someone that clicks (because let's be honest, you can meet a lot of people at bars, but can you really get to know a person after they are already half in the bag), I pulled the trigger and joined a dating site.

Divorced and Dating 2.0 here I come.

3 comments:

  1. good for you!! Life's too short, I say, have a blast, date, be merry!

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  2. Yay! Online dating is a great way to keep your datng wheels calibrated. I am currently in the midst of an online dating blitz myself.

    I consider myself quite the expert, so if you need any tips give me a shout. Particularly on the "don'ts".

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  3. Enjoy online shopping. That's what it started feeling like to me....and yes, wow, i remember those moments all too well, even a year or two after my divorce where I would get. SO. PISSED. OFF...at myself...for not "Getting it" earlier. All part of the healing, I suppose. ;) First grief, then anger ...:)

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