Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Exhale

Dear Diary:

So, where do I begin? Let's see...

Job? Check

Health Insurance? Check

Not feeling suicidal at the thought of losing the roof over my head, girlfriend, etc., etc., etc?  Check

Life is returning back to normal.  But on the other hand, I know there are so many people who are still struggling to find work, so it makes me feel guilty sometimes to boast about being back in the workforce.

But on the other hand, having the intense pressure to find a job was excruciating, so being able to exhale is a welcome relief.

That might not make any sense, but whatever.

I haven't written here though in about 10 months. And I really didn't miss it.  So I am going to have to figure out whether or not to end this little experiment.  I am leaning toward yes.

I will keep you posted.

Or maybe not.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Untitled

Dear Diary:

I have nothing new to report. No good news as of late. In fact, the only news I seem to get is rejection these days, and I do not know how much more of it I can handle.

So when I get some good news, I will let you know. Until then, just know that I am alive and won't do anything stupid.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Why?

Dear Diary:

Why is it that it seems all the good new ideas are gone?

Why is it that you need a ton of money to even get a bank to give you a loan in order to start a small business?

Why do things that make you happy seem fleeting at times?

Why am I not getting any interviews?

Why is the weather so fucked up?

Why is cable so fucking expensive?

Why if smartphones are so smart, they can't fold laundry?

Why am I in such a funk?

Why are so many beers these days so fucking hoppy?

Why isn't it ok to be moody at times?

Why can't I get paid to do something I love?

What do I even love to do?

Why am I running out of things to say?

Friday, March 29, 2013

Last Man Standing

Dear Diary:

As I am about to enter my fourth month of unemployment, the job prospects seem to be getting dimmer and dimmer.  Less people are reaching out to offer assistance as before, and those that do offer to help do not follow through.  It seems that offers to help people secure employment are merely nothing more than polite conversation while having a drink these days.

Fortunately though, I can now say that everyone on my team has found a job.  I was always worried about the rest of my team more than myself, but now that it is only myself left without employment amongst us, well, my ass is puckering.  That sense of pseudo-solidarity with them is now gone, and I am left to my own devices.

I guess when they did not have jobs, and were asking for assistance or guidance, it made me feel useful. Even if I could not offer anything, the fact that they asked made me feel good.  And now that I will no longer be asked by any of them for anything, it kind of puts a final nail in the coffin to that particular part of my professional career.

And that is fine, but it also beings about a sense of loneliness.  It really does take a while to get used to the sound of nothing.  It takes a while to get adjusted to the fact that when you apply for a job, more times than not you will not be acknowledged.  I guess the feeling I am trying to convey is being no longer needed, if that makes sense.  It's not similar to divorce, but it somewhat is, that feeling of isolation, loss, and being no longer needed by anyone.

Like I said, I am about to enter my fourth month, and I am still not used to it.